PITTSBURGH PIRATES: THE MOVIE III

Back in 2006, one of the first and most popular features in site history was Pittsburgh Pirates: the Movie . It generated such a response that it returned last season for a sequel . And here we are in year three, so you know what that means: the tradition must live on. That's right, it's time for Pittsburgh Pirates: The Movie III.

Yes, we have a few cast members returning from past editions, but in this installment you will find many new faces. Some were easy calls; others, not so much. Either way, it was a lot of fun to piece together.

So sit back and enjoy what's become a part of fictitious Pittsburgh film lore. I present...

PITTSBURGH PIRATES: THE MOVIE IIII



THE CAST


Owner Bob Nutting will be portrayed by Redskins owner Daniel Snyder



Pirates President Frank Coonelly will be played by Goodfella Ray Liotta





GM Neal Huntington will be played by a young Ron Howard




Pitcher Denny Bautista will be played by rapper Method Man




Pitcher TJ Beam will be played by musician Brian Setzer, who will dye his hair for the role




Up-and-down Pitcher Sean Burnett will be played by an elevator





Pitcher Phil Dumatrait will be portrayed by American Idol winner David Cook




Bespectacled Pitcher Franquelis Osoria will be played by NBA legend Kareem Abdul Jabbar




Pitcher Tyler Yates will be played by Southern rapper Bubba Sparxxx




Catcher Raul Chavez will be portrayed by The Candy Man, former Pirate John Candelaria




Chris Gomez will be played by TV's Adam Carolla




1B/Randy Johnson Antagonist Doug Mientkiewicz will be played by "David" of David and Goliath fame



OF Jason Michaels will be played by actor Nick Nolte





Pitcher Paul Maholm will be played by Nick Swardson, better known as Terry the gay prostitute from Reno 911!



First baseman Adam LaRoche will once again be played by The Burbs' Hans Klopek



Pitcher Matt Capps will be played by the Incredible Hulk





Indianapolis Pitcher Tom Gorzelanny, played last year by Sloth from The Goonies, will this year be played by hot dog king Joey Chestnut





Pitcher Ian Snell, serving up beachballs with his 5.92 ERA, will be played by Clay Counsil, Josh Hamilton's 71-year-old Home Run Derby pitcher

S oul-patched pitcher John Grabow will be played by Garth Brooks' failed alter ego "character", Chris Gaines.




Squinty pitcher Zach Duke will be played by 3rd Rock from the Sun's French Stewart



Infielder Jose Bautista will be played by Dumbo the Elephant




Moled Infielder Freddy Sanchez will be played by Cindy Crawford




Outfielder Ryan Doumit will be portrayed by actor David Keith, better known as Jack Parkman in Major League II.





SS Jack Wilson will be played by Jackass Steve-O



5 O'Clock Shadowed OF Xavier Nady will be played by actor Alec Baldwin



Mild-mannered OF Jason Bay will be played by the Muppets' Beaker






Remember the Titans QB "Sunshine" (Kip Pardue) will return to play the role of All-Star OF Nate McLouth





Announcer Greg Brown will be played for a third consecutive year by Sesame Street's Guy Smiley



Announcer John Wehner will be played by still-unemployed football coach Bill Cowher



Always-happy announcer Lanny Frattare will be played by The Happiest Man in Springfield, The Simpsons' Ned Flanders




and finally,
only Ronnie Florian can play Superfan Ronnie Florian




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